The speakers bounce
and bodies swing and throw themselves
but I sit in the dark
with whose hand on my leg?

it's you.

breath hitches as you climb,
fear of being found and creeping
excitement soaring

do it.

no, don't!

but do.
i wish we could
so we will
even if only i feel it
it'll be our secret

please don't stand to go
i need to feel you here
to be almost reality.

Some truths I lie about

1. My heart breaks for Maria every time I watch West Side story
2. I rely on music and film to break hearts, so I can wrap mine tighter.
3. I love fantasy more than RL most of the time
4. I get so miserable I watch sad films just to let it out
5. I never let anyone know any of this
6. I feel fine

i've got nothing to do today
so i guess i'll sit around
and wait for you

i dont wanna play the fool today
but i'm still sitting here
waiting for you

you wont come to stay today
you wont ever say 'today,
i'm going to love you'

but i'll still wait and watch today
hoping that you'll come around
and be that kind of true

I swear i didn't mean it
you're not a whore
you didn't do all that shit
but i did mean what i said
at the time

and i swear i couldn't help it
you were there
and i got a bit pissed
and through the drunken haze
i didn't mind

but i know that you keep defending me
even though i keep denying what i see

i can see light
trickling through your hair, through your eyes
i can see waves
crashing over your heart, and mine
i want us to drown so we
have an excuse to say
it wasn't our fault
we couldn't help it
we were just
born
this
way

I'm sorry that i meant it
when i said that i couldn't hack it
but i know that you wont give up easy

i don't like giving you up
but you and i know its tough
no one else ever seems to want to say

they can see light falling straight from the stars
shining on you, dazzling us
they can see sunshine on our lips
it burns where it touches
and causes these scars
so we seem to being hiding
who we are
we were just
born
this
way...

i want to keep hiding
i want to escape
i want to run far
run far away

where we can say

there's a certain light that covers us
a certain love, a certain trust
a certain sort of abstract smile
there's a kind of weakness in the knees
and a kind of smile in the kisses
i wish that they could only see

the light
trickling through your hair, through your eyes
the waves,
crashing over your heart, and mine
the way that we're drowning to have an excuse to say
it's not our fault
we couldn't help it
i wanted to change
but shes so perfect
and I'm told that i was just
i was just

a drop of light in a dark ocean
a blinding star, a potent potion
a girl who wanted what she couldn't have

but we're fine just being us
we can hide the pain and the lust
we can both run away
'cause we were born this way.

i heard him pray
it was just the other day
he was on his knees
begging 'spare her, take me'
i lifted my head
he caught my interest
from the hospital bed
he looked at me
and i could see
the darkness had taken him

i said 'boy, don't die for
someone who's already dead.
'boy, don't cry for someone
who can't cry back.'
he just smiled
like i was a child
said 'i don't think it's failure
to never give up'

i heard him laugh
when i crawled in last
he crawled beside me
trying to believe
but i know I'm gone
from these hills of gold and bronze
passed away
like summer to winter rain

i said 'boy, don't die for someone
who's already dead.
'boy, don't cry for someone
who can't cry back'
he just smiled
like i was a child
said 'i don't think it's failure
to never give up'

and i know he'll keep waiting
though my heart is failing
if i close my eyes
he fears they might never open
but i hear my heartbeat
through my ears
and i know I'll keep fighting
though the end is near

i said 'boy, don't die for someone
who's already dead.
'boy, don't cry for someone
who can't cry back.'
he just smiled
like i was a child
said 'i don't think it's failure
to never give up...'

Song -- Mess

do you think my new frames
are hiding my tearful eyes
because to me they're worthless

i feel the sting of pain
it's clawing at my hear-t
because i just saw them, not us.

i can smile though my heart is breaking
wish you well in my bridesmaids dress
he can't tell it's the feeling i'm faking
he think i'm just giving you good luck

goddamnit i love him
and i told you so last week
i'm trying to hide my fears
in finding this bittersweet

it's not sweet, it's just bitter
like the vodka i keep knocking back
don't touch me
i need space
but hand me the cognac

i feel like i should be screaming
but i can't find the energy
i feel like i shouldn't be beaming
as the photographer's camera sings

but i can smile though my heart is breaking
wish you well in my bridesmaids dress
you can't tell it's the feeling i'm faking
this is such a mess

if you want me to stay then just say so
but you know i'll only want to cry
if you want me to leave then just say so
but i might cause a scene this time

...did you know he was once mine.

Song -- Tess

sometimes i get startled
by the way life sends a shock
whenever i am settled

i was only watching
watching how your lips moved
as you spoke of love and living

then it hit me:
i just wanted to test those lips
and see if they were fit to kiss
soft and pink like ice candy
to see if you too... wanted me.

i never wanted it before
but suddenly everything was clear
sex never seemed an issue
girls and girls they do not mix
but what if they did?

oh if they did, tess
my lips would find your cheek
oh if they did, tess
i'd want to push you over the brink
just to see if you screamed

no no, this is wrong
i cannot think of you that way
you're a friend; a girl
i couldn't ever lead you astray

but you're two years older
and two years more beautiful
are you two years wiser
do you see where i want you to be?

oh if you did, tess
your lips would find my cheek
oh if you did, tess
you'd push me over the brink
...i think i'd scream

oh if you did, tess...

oh if you did, tess...

oh if you did [cresc.]
if you did
if you did
if you did
tess you're yelling words i cannot hear!

oh if i could, tess
i'd push my lips against your skin
oh if i could, tess
i'd make you scream
make you scream
make you scream

...would it make you happy?

xE

oh what a coincedence
you seem to have farted on my heart
stamped on my organs
i think i should mention at the start
you came home alone again
well im sorry darling that
i came home with a friend
and she left me feeling so bad

i dont mind if you kick up a fuss
im used to it
youd think that by now youd
just be used to it
like it apadted to suit you

but i see no point in stopping
why crush one when i could get you?
i know you love me
but its too late
you already crushed me to
all these little pieces
at least my mind works
i can still go out and screw
anyone it suits me
boy, i think it's time you left the room

Song -- Love Maniac (draft)

To the boy in my English class
I don't know your name;
I know that's bad
But I think that you should know mine
And call me up sometime

I don't think you're the one
I'm just trying to have
A little fun
Because I believe in destiny
And true love on a motorway
SOngs from ancient history
There's no love without pain

So just take my hand
And we'll waste our time
Until we part along the line
I don't mind if you think I'm sad
Because I'm a loving maniac

Song -- high horse

Oh look at you playing happy families
Who'd have thought
that you fucked up worse than me

look at you with your broken dowry
who'd have thought
that you'd have no money

is it time to get off your high horse darling?
because i dont think its as strong as it used to be
is it time that you gave up those thoughts, darling?
because you're weaker than you seem...

Song -- Bitch

I think you must have cut my heart out
Because I can't feel a pulse
Now darling don't just be far out
Get that knife
I want to toast

I'm sure you could write words in my blood
And not feel a thing
I'm sure that I'd never be enough
If I didn't sing

I'm not your bitch, baby
I can't be your diamond ring
I'm not your bitch, baby
I can't do your thing
But you cut my heart out
And swallowed the key
I'm not your bitch, baby
But explain how we came to be

I've decided that you have slaughtered
Wiped your hands on your apron
Because I never said I was your floorer
But I seem to be your carpet

I'm sure you detailed my death
In elegant script
I'm sure you don't find enough
Do you get my drift?

I'm not your bitch, baby
I can't be your diamond ring
I'm not your bitch, baby
I can't do your thing
But you cut out my heart
Swallowed the key
I'm not your bitch, baby
So explain how we came to be

Give up your games
You made this your highlight
Give up your way
Before I lose mine
I would do something myself
But I want to be abused

I can be your bitch, baby
If you buy expensive things
I can be your bitch, baby
If you teach me how to give
Cut out my heart, lock it
Swallow the key
I'm your bitch, baby
Explain how we came... to... be...

Hiding
From this world
Behind my curls
Fighting
Against the flow
Just let go
But I can't

So damn secretive
Do you hide your face from him?
So quiet, peaceful
I bet he doesn't see it

So secretive
do you ever show your face?

Song -- Jack

It;s cold out here, under the stars
I don't really know where you are
But I want you
I want you

I know it's wrong to stand and wait
For someone who is always late
But I want to

Did you get my text, it's fucking freezing
I shouldn't wait in the breezes
I've got goosebumps
And the neighbours are starting to talk
Are you coming back love
Are you coming.... Jack

I'm frozen here in your back yard
Watching the lights of the traffic pass
But I want you
I want you

I feel if I stay out here for too long
I'll die and you might never hear this song
I'll be forgtotten

Please pick up my calls, I need to be hearing
Your voice down the line; my head clearing
You give me goosebumps
And the neighbours have given up
Are you coming back love
Are you coming... Jack

I promise I won't get sick and die
If only you stay by my side
I'll be fine

I swear I'll make it through the days
To get a job and to be paid
If you stay

Please, please get my text I think I'm frozen
Out of time, out of this moment
The goosebumps go
The neighbours have all moved away
There's no reason you can't keep your promise
You said you'd always be honest
You said you'd come if I called

So did you get my text; I'm fucking freezing
I need a call; I need a reason
To keep living
As the memories they fade
Are you coming back?
Are you coming back?
Are you coming back, love?
Are you coming, Jack?

xE

Same song

Ticking over in my head

Like a bomb dropping

I hope it kills me

This time

There's no way you'll escape
Throw it all away

I don't promise
But I still let you down
Are you lonely
Walking round the town?
On your won

Song -- Brats

These days it seems
That everyone is ignorant to me
It's not race or fat
Just idiots being spoiled brats
Maybe if they had to walk out
To get water that's far out
Then they'd be grateful for the
Father who made the daughter

It's not just anybody
It's a nation of idiots
We learn to say gracias
And God bless the SAS-S-S
Maybe if we gave up lying
Then there would be no crying
But its capital disaster
It's what they're all after

Song -- He

He called me gorgeous
But my face looked like shit
He said 'Look forwards'
But I couldn't take it
He said he loved me
I couldn't say it back

My friend's excited
Don't want me to be alone
Bored and tired
Sitting by the phone
If only she knew
I turned that same phone off
Again

And yes he's charming
And sometimes he's quite sweet
But I can never, ever seem to sleep
With him on my mind

He takes my hand and pulls me through the snow
I want to tell him
I just want to go
But his eyes they look so innocent

I'm just
Fooling him with my pretense
Duck diving for my defense
He can't see it
A fake smile apon my face
He's too caught up in the chase
If he can't see it

Song -- Don't do this

I see you with your foot in the door
Oh, please don't do this
As you glance your eyes to the floor
I'm restless, don't screw this

I promise to do all you ask of me
Just don't do this
I'll stop writing all that poetry
Just don't do this
Please don't do this

I won't listen to music anymore
Just don't do this
I won't throw my clothes on the floor
Just don't do this
I won't dance around, spin around, drag you down
Just don't do this
Just don't stay